Sunday, June 21, 2009

Plan 9 from Outerspace, by Andy

Seriously????? Is there anything good about Plan 9 From Outerspace (other than its mercifully short 78 minutes)? Is it not the model every film should follow on what NOT to do in a film? Seriously...bad plot, acting, production values, special effects, audio, and did I mention acting and plot? Did anyone associated with that movie have the cognitive dissonance necessary to allow them to think what they had created was worth showing to the public?

I can see why it's a cult-classic for comically bad movies. It really must be the worst movie ever made. And that said, I'm not going to dignify the movie's badness by discussing it any further. I'm shaking my head just thinking about it. It has, for me, become the movie by which I will judge all other movies (which I'm sure will then make me an optimist).

by Andy

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man by Andy

I didn't hate this movie, although I fully understand why Gabe chose this and next week's movie (Malibu's Most Wanted) for our current grouping. Both definitely fit the bill of being terrible. But anything is tolerable if the last movie you've watched was Plan 9 From Outerspace.

The acting in this film was sub-par, as one would expect from such notables as Don Johnson and Mickey Rourke (as well as the less-well known Baldwin, Daniel), and produced in such a time as the early '90s as an action film. Obviously all the main characters were stereotypes (although oddly juxtaposed with conflicting stereotypical characters), but again, typical of the genre.

But what a STUPID PLOT!!!!! Oh no, the bank is leaning on our buddy's bar to run him out because the land where the bar is set is now extremely valuable (set next to an international airport, and I mean NEXT to) and for some reason the bar is supposed to have some preexisting unconscionably low lease rate. Wait...I know what we should do - let's rob one of the bank's armored trucks to come up with the $2.5 million needed to save the bar! Then, after we have stolen the money, we'll pay off the bank (with it's own stolen money) and the bar will be saved!!!!! What could go wrong?

Never mind the obvious questions, like (and certainly not limited to): 1) Why does a bank own the land and it's lease? 2) How does the FAA allow any business to continue with only a chain-link fence separating the business and the runway? 3) How do the characters in the movie have the expertise to successfully rob an armored vehicle? 4) How does a CEO of a bank have the time to generate $50 million in illegal drug sales? and 5) Wouldn't it be pretty obvious that the criminal bank organization would but a "bug" in the briefcase of money you extorted for the drugs you accidentally stole thinking it was an armored vehicle full of money, and 6) was it really worth robbing the armored car where all of your buddies (including the bar owner) and the bar itself get shot to hell by the bank's thugs you pissed off by stealing from the bank?

And yes, from the foregoing questions, you pretty much know what happens during the movie.

This section of movies is getting very tedious...
by Andy

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Blood Diner, by Andy

I wonder if the producers and directors knew when they were making "Blood Diner" that it was going to be terrible. I mean, at some point, somebody said, "well, the script sucks, our actors are terrible, let's try making it as terrible as we can." It's gloriously bad. And on so many levels.

The obvious stand-outs are acting and plot. Wow. What can you even say about the two?

But somehow Blood Diner succeeds in it's stereotypical genre. For some reason having ridiculous amounts of bloods, T&A, an overwhelming number of stupid people, and more blood makes this film succeed.

Obviously this film isn't for everyone. In fact, it's probably not for anyone given it's overwhelming offensive nature (on so many levels), and evidenced by the fact that it isn't available anywhere (I had to have a ripped copy sent to me in the mail just to watch it).

But wow. Perfect for our current group.
by Andy

Big thanks to Jason, et. al, for getting me a copy of the disk.

Oh, and still haven't gotten Megaladon III yet, even though it's been at the top of my list for months now.